My Imagined Life BC (Before Children) by Mona Andrei
Topic: Before Children
Once upon a long time ago, there was me. That’s it. No kids. No pets. No house. Just me.
At least that’s what I’ve been told and that’s what I believe. The truth is that I’ve had kids for so long now (my oldest is 25, my youngest is 10, with two more in between) that I can only vaguely remember what life was like before I had them.
In other words, my life has been defined by kids.
And since I don’t have any “real” memories of such a paradise in time, I’ve had to substitute the missing link of a pre-defined me with, well, fantasies.
Here’s what I THINK life was like pre-frustration. I mean, before I had kids:
1. I did not take the lord’s name in vain . . . EVER! Nor did I have the need to refer to acts of procreation and bodily functions as exclaimed verbs.
2. I did not worship sleep or lazy afternoons (I took them for granted).
3. I was not envious of others when I asked them what they were doing and they answered, “nothing”.
4. I remembered and kept the Sabbath day holy by not working, not cleaning, not cooking . . . And not getting dressed.
5. I never made threats of any kind. (“J.C.! Do you want to spend the week in your room?!!”)
6. I never tried to steal a few minutes for myself.
Looking back on this list of pre-kids surrealism, I realize that I’ve just described the ideal God-fearing citizen by addressing more than half of the commandments!
My conclusion: Thanks to my kids, I’m going straight to hell!
Wow, your life before kids really was the Garden of Eden, wasn’t it?
If you’re going to hell, then all parents are going to hell. . . including me! See you there.
Hehehehe ! I can SO relate
I am a single mom of 3 and the few minutes of peace I get in the morning is like being in paradise for me.