My Imagined Life BC (Before Children) by Mona Andrei

Topic: Before Children

Once upon a long time ago, there was me. That’s it. No kids. No pets. No house. Just me.

At least that’s what I’ve been told and that’s what I believe. The truth is that I’ve had kids for so long now (my oldest is 25, my youngest is 10, with two more in between) that I can only vaguely remember what life was like before I had them.

In other words, my life has been defined by kids.

And since I don’t have any “real” memories of such a paradise in time, I’ve had to substitute the missing link of a pre-defined me with, well, fantasies.

Here’s what I THINK life was like pre-frustration. I mean, before I had kids:

1.    I did not take the lord’s name in vain . . . EVER! Nor did I have the need to refer to acts of procreation and bodily functions as exclaimed verbs.

2.    I did not worship sleep or lazy afternoons (I took them for granted).

3.    I was not envious of others when I asked them what they were doing and they answered, “nothing”.

4.    I remembered and kept the Sabbath day holy by not working, not cleaning, not cooking . . . And not getting dressed.

5.    I never made threats of any kind. (“J.C.! Do you want to spend the week in your room?!!”)

6.    I never tried to steal a few minutes for myself.

Looking back on this list of pre-kids surrealism, I realize that I’ve just described the ideal God-fearing citizen by addressing more than half of the commandments!

My conclusion: Thanks to my kids, I’m going straight to hell!

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Comments
3 Responses to “My Imagined Life BC (Before Children) by Mona Andrei”
  1. Ted Mitchell says:

    Wow, your life before kids really was the Garden of Eden, wasn’t it? 🙂

  2. Jared Karol says:

    If you’re going to hell, then all parents are going to hell. . . including me! See you there.

  3. Shawnda Rae says:

    Hehehehe ! I can SO relate 🙂 I am a single mom of 3 and the few minutes of peace I get in the morning is like being in paradise for me.

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