Privates Education by T.J. Alexian

Topic: Swearing

I waited until around four in the afternoon to make the call. To be honest, Annie had reminded me in a text message, and once my boss was safely wedged tightly into a meeting, I made it a point to pick up the phone in my cubicle and give my little guy a call.

He picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Theo,” I said.

I detected a bit of amusement in his deep voice. “Let me guess. You want to know how my first day of high school was.”

First day of high school. Yes, my youngest, in high school. Deep sigh. Wow, that sounds so old. “How’d you guess?”

“You’re only the fourth person to call me and ask. You, mom, Annie, and Ashes.”

“Ashes? You’re sister Ashes actually called?” Now, that was even more touching. “See, I knew that you two secretly cared for each other. Why else would she call to see how your first day was?”

“Yeah…uh, no.”

“So how was it? Your first day, that is.”

“Fine.” That’s it, just a one word answer. But then Theo’s not one to go on and on. Just short, direct, to-the-point responses. Why waste time on boring details?

And just as I was about to move on. . . “Oh, and I do have this one teacher. Her name is, get this, G String.”

I paused, Jack Benny style. “You have have a teacher named Mrs. G String?”

“Yep! It says it right on my syllabus. Her last name is String, her first name starts with a G. So that’s the way they put it on the schedule. G String.”

I shook my head. “I bet she’s a really popular teacher, Theo.”

“No, not really. But they said we can send her emails! We can write to her at”

I shook my head. “Somehow that just sounds so wrong.”

“I know, huh?”

“So what is Mrs. G String teaching you?” I asked, curious.


“Oh! Well, that’s okay,” I said, with a grin. “If you had said sex ed, on the other hand. . . I would have had to go down to that school myself. The only G strings you should be studying are in music class, boychick.”

Later on, I discovered the real truth, from Josie. “The teacher’s name is actual Strong, you know. Mrs. G Strong. Theo just thinks it’s funny to tell everyone that her name is Mrs. G String.”

The brat! That night, after Corb had returned home from work and I told him the whole story, he made it a point to call up Theo. “He’s asleep,” said Josie. “Went to bed right at eight. Going to school for an actual whole day wore him out.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” said Corb. “But can you leave him a message? Tell him Principal Buttcrack called, from his school. I hear he’s making an ass out of one of our teachers.”

Somehow, I don’t think Theo’s going to live this one down. . .

2 Responses to “Privates Education by T.J. Alexian”
  1. Your son sounds like quite the budding comedian… going on and on w/ the e-mail and so forth! I agree that he needs that message from Principal Buttcrack 🙂

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