Do You Understand the Words Coming Out of My Mouth? by Nucking Futs Mama

Topic: Communication In order to survive parenting without killing each other, my husband and I have learned that communication is really the key to our success. And by “communication” I mean that I pretty much need to spell everything out from A to Z when it’s time for my husband to take the wheel. Now, … Continue reading

Should I Just Take My Pants Off and Douse Myself in Thousand Island Dressing? by Lick the Fridge

Topic: Communication Throughout history, humans have waxed rhetorical on some of life’s most essential questions: How should I live? Why am I here? Does my butt look fat in these pants? Should I get the white Mercedes or the gray Mercedes? From professional philosophers to fall-down-in-the-gutter drunks to daytime talk show hosts, we all have … Continue reading

Privates Education by T.J. Alexian

Topic: Swearing I waited until around four in the afternoon to make the call. To be honest, Annie had reminded me in a text message, and once my boss was safely wedged tightly into a meeting, I made it a point to pick up the phone in my cubicle and give my little guy a … Continue reading

My Parenting Days Are Almost Over. . . But Not Quite by Lick the Fridge

Topic: What the %^&* Is Going On Here? I remember the day well. March of 2010. My wife and I were pushing our one-year-old twins in their single strollers, so as to not have to maneuver the behemoth double stroller through the narrow aisles of the pharmacy. The line was about four deep. The man … Continue reading

The Day My Daughter Killed Her Grandfather by TJ Alexian

Topic: What the %^&* Is Going On Here? “Teddy,” said my sister Kerrie over the phone. “You’re not going to believe what Ashes did today.” Wonderful. What fresh new hell awaits? I sat at my desk at work and felt my stomach tighten. Kerrie teaches reading at the Middle School that Ashes attends. It’s been … Continue reading

Things Haven’t Really Changed That Much by Lick the Fridge

Topic: Before Children My best friend had children a couple years before I did. I remember asking him how his life had changed. He said things hadn’t really changed that much, that he and his wife still do the things they like to do, but now they just do them with their children. Now that … Continue reading

The Rise and Fall of the Stoned Guest by TJ Alexian

Topic: Coincidence Brushes with evil? Sure, I’ve had a few. Just some thin little paint strokes, though, really. Nothing you’d need to shake an Exorcist at. Oh, yes. Yes! I remember one, in particular. His name was Damien. A demonic/cherubic/ceramic lawn statue, he was. Damien first came into our lives when Corb worked the front … Continue reading

The Point Oh One Principle by T.J. Alexian

Topic: Entitlement “Daddy, am I your favorite?” Theo asked me this last night, and not for the first time. It’s a familiar question for him, one he playfully tends to ask, every other day or so. Of course, I provided him with my standard answer, particularly since Ashes was sitting in the back of the … Continue reading